:: alhamdulillahh.. im a mommy-to-be ::

dah lama aku nak up entry ni.. tapi takde idea nak karang ayat lagi.. and i think its a bit early to reveal it to the world.. plus im not ready to tell the world n be excited because i have experienced miscarriage last year.. so takut nak excited lelebih.. anything can happen.. after all, its just ‘pinjaman’ dari tuhan..

YES! my first IUI procedure has succeeded… thank you Allah for this blessing.. im quite shocked actually bila doktor cakap BFP after 2WW tu.. but my face has no expression at all at that time! hahahaa… walhal i have the right to jump until the roof and be extra excited..

hey, ive waited for this for nearly 8 years!! in fact that time im not even crying like the previous pregnancy.. kalo org len tengok sure ingt aku tak happy for being pregnant! i dont know la, mebi aku takut kot to be excited or happy bila dapat that good news.. dalam otak aku dah tekad, no happy-happy, no telling the world just yet! not until u pass that first trimester! its a scary journey actually after im confirmed pregnant 4 weeks.. dah laa doktor cakap 4 weeks is like a piece of basmati je size dia.. tiap kali pegi toilet i will definitely check my panties to look for any blood or anything just in case.. tiap kali bukak panties i will pray, please dont let it be any blood there! please please!

so here i would like to share my IUI journey.. sinopsis aa kira.. citer IUI aku sume dh aku citer in my previous entry kan…

13 Mac – First period..call for an appointment on CD3
15 Mac – TVS to see my folikel then prescribed injeksen Puregon 200ui on the tummy for 3 days + acid folic + asprin
18 Mac – TVS as usual dan hantar askar enche asben to be frozen. Blood test to see how the hormone drug react in me. Doc suruh turunkan dos Puregon to 100ui for 2 days sb folikel nampak laju nak matang
20 Mac – TVS again n folikel nearly matured. Kena amik Puregon 100ui shot on the shoulder lak
21 Mac – TVS and prescribed Ovidrel shot tepat kui 10pm untuk ruptured kan folikel yg matang
23 Mac – IUI today. Bawa sekali askar enche asben fresh from the oven. Start my 2WW
24 Mac – TVS to see folikel again. Doc said ada folikel yg nk matang lg tu so dia nasihat to BD tonight.
25 Mac – Start taking Progestrone pills 3 biji sehari for 2 weeks
28 Mac – Kena amik Ovidrel shot again on the shoulder lak..
6 April –  14dpiui…urine test and its BFP!

all in all.. my procedure only took around 10 days not counting the 2 weeks of waiting.. sangat detail diaorang buat.. tapi tu aa detail dia comes with the price laa.. for this procedure ive spend NT$40,000 (RM4k+) ini belom kira all the previous-previous effort to baikpulih my system dalaman sebab im a PCOS with insulin resistance problem..

berbulan-bulan aku struggle to maintain my sugar intake, go to the gym and control my diet.. berbulan-bulan kena telan Metformin that makes me nausea most of the time.. but its all worth it! and im thankful to my friend here in Taipei yang kongsi kejayaan ICSI dia with twin girls! from her i get my strength to step forward and did my IUI..

tapi tu aa.. if korang nak proceed with any procedure of your choosing, make sure that u are 100% pasti yang korang bersedia untuk menempuh perjalanan dia.. also part cost dia pun kena ready laa… like mine, i did it most of the time alone… enche asben just only provide askar dia in a jar n im the one who bring it to the clinic.. enche asben only went to the clinic once! Itu pun sebab that clinic need him to sign a consent letter saying yes to freeze his sperm in front of them..
they need to see the husband wujud idak! no one hold my hands along the process and im not sad about it sebab aku yang nak benda ni.. so i need to be strong! im lucky sebab masa procedure ni berjalan, my mom was in Taiwan.. she’s the one who teman me on my first day at the clinic.. how odd is that? orang len laki teman, aku bawak omma! hahahaha..

each time aku cucuk perot pun, i did it by masef… endure all the side effects by masef… not once aku rasa menyesal or sedih sebab laki tak amik tau ’bout my procedure.. syukur banyak dah dia nak provide askar-askar dia.. thats all i ever need.. so im not gonna complain about it.. pada aku, enche asben feels that he is not ready to be a dad.. but its ok because I DONT CARE if he is ready or not! hahaha.. ini paksaan ekkk..

tapi once im confirmed pregnant, he changed a lot! on my second check-up at 6 weeks peknen, aku heret dia suh ikut tengok.. dia tengok on the screen time doktor scan and he could see our lil bun for the first time.. and doktor kasi dengar lil bun’s heartbeat! aku rasa deep down inside, that has trigger his daddy mode.. hahahah!

from that day forward, he’s becoming soo caring and more romantic than ever! and enche asben bertabah makan watever we have in the house coz im having my morning sickness all day long!! yeapp! tuhan kasi aku merasa all the ‘wonderful’ things of becoming a mommy.. teruk gak muntah belahak aku sampai merah-merah muka perah tekak.. sampai kurus laa iols turun 3kg! sedawa angin dah macam badak.. tiap masa sedawa wehhh.. dah rasa macam belon helium tu hah! nasib tak float everywhere je aku ni..

not to mention about the toilet trip every 5-10 minutes.. rasa macam tak mo pakai spender je kadang-kadang tu.. and now, im 15 weeks preggy… lil bun is doing fine… next month check-up boleh tau gender.. hope lil bun will show laa… mommy cant wait to choose color dah ni!

lil bun at 13 weeks

lil bun at 13 weeks

i love you from the first time i see you, baby… cant wait to hold you in my arms… my EDD will be in December, so lil bun is winter baby laa… please pray for us to have a smooth journey till we be united in each others arms.. and i will always pray for you guys to have this opportunity too, insyaallah.. baby dust to all TTCians! just dont give up! lots of prayers and jangan lupa minta doa dari ibu masing-masing.. keberkatan doa ibu sangat perlu for this.. until then, bubyee!


::IUI Part 3::

aku dh settle pun buat IUI hari Isnin hari tu..
sangat cepat proses dia tak smpai 10 minit punn..
tau-tau dah siap!

since my blog is also my diary, need to jot down aa so that in the future i can refer back to this just in case..
entry a bit panjang ek.. aku malas nak buat part-part dah..

ok last time aku kena amik injek Puregon 200ui for 3 days..
after that kena pegi balik klinik and TVS to see how my follicles are..
bila dia tengok folikel aku membeso bagai johan laju lak, so Dr. Lu reduce my injeksen to 100ui for 2 days and then kena TVS sekali lagi to see how it reacts..

starting from the beginning Dr. Lu prescribed me with Folic Asid and Asprin… katanye untuk membantu proses senangkan pregnancy gitu..
hmmm..wat doctor said, folo jer aa..

after 2 days of Puregon 100ui, mai klinik and scan.. Dr Lu tengok folikel aku dah beso dalam 17mm kot, tak ingat..
so dia suh pegi amik suntikan Puregon 100ui but this time on the shoulder!
hok ni, i need to go to the ER to ask for a nurse to do it for me..
then Dr Lu also gave me Ovidrel.. ini sejenis HCG shot untuk trigger the follicles to mature and erupt..
kira paksarela dia kuarkan egg laa..
Ovidrel kena suntik sendiri kat perot at exactly 10pm malam tu..
sebab shot ni amik masa dalam 24-36 hours to work..
and i need to come back the day after for my IUI procedure..
which is hari Isnin..

Ovidrel shot

Ovidrel shot

Kuning is Puregon Pen.. Syringe is Ovidrel..

Kuning is Puregon Pen.. Syringe is Ovidrel..

Comparing my needle with pen insulin mama..

Comparing my needle with pen insulin mama..

not to scare you guys, tapi Ovidrel ni aku a bit cuak sebab dia rupa picagari biasa kann…
hilang sat keyakinan aku nak jadi doktor sendri..
biar Puregon pen tu lagi sebab dia rupa pen maka tak scary sangat..ok boleh pakai ke logik aku tu?
walhal aku rasa jarum dia sama je beso! tapi Puregon pen tu aku langsung tak rasa sakit..
tapi Ovidrel ni scared the shit out of me!
ive taken a video time aku injek Ovidrel ni.. mama yang rakam and it makes her feel dizzy!
tapi agak jenuh aa nak tembus kulit perot time tu..
ai ai aiii… debor jantung ok!
enche asben jangan citer aa… dia dah lari dulu kalo bab-bab injek ni!

and on that day, i need to bring askar enche asben fresh from the oven..
nasib aa appointment not that pagi sangat like i used to..
pkui 8pg kena submit askar enche asben.. pkui 10.30pg baru start procedure sebab they need to sperm wash first askar-askar tu and chose the best troup!

a bit stress aa pada hari kejadian..
dah aa Isnin, kena mangkit pagi.. and ujan and sejuk lak tu cuaca!
dah aa aku kena jalan kaki pi klinik.. nyiampah toi kena jalan dalam ujan…
air merecik sana sini..dont like!

enche asben tak folo sebab pepagi tu ada orang nak mai baiki toilet..
its ok.. as long as dia derma askar dia, im all good..
lagipun appointment aku memang suddenly sangat sebab depending on my tumbesaran folikel kan..
cukup je dia beso, terus kena buat laju-laju..

so there i was in the room.. cover by blanket..
waiting for the nurse and Dr.Lu to do the procedure..
nurse masuk dulu sediakan barang-barang..
she showed me tabung uji with my name on it and asked me to confirm its mine..
dia cakap tu aa askar enche asben after washed..
then she put it in a syringe-like thingy called catheter (soft flexible tube)

my future baby all pink! soo powerpuff sangat..wuuhuu!

my future baby all pink! soo powerpuff sangat..wuuhuu!

before the procedure, Dr Lu tunjuk aku result sperm wash enche asben..
aku tak reti nak tengok all the numbers, tapi dia kata all good..
so ok aa..

then Dr. Lu put in the speculum thingy.. yeah, TTCian tau aa benda alah ni..
that dreadful molot itik! me no likey!
with Bismillah (aku aa bacakan, obviously), dia masukkan catheter tu and injek the askar inside me..
ok siap!
ehh? terkulat-kulat aku sebab cepat beno..

the nurse asked me to baring for a while..
dalam 15 minit jer dah boleh mangkit.. sepanjang baring tu aku dok zikir banyak-banyak so that askar-askar enche asben bertemu jodoh dengan cik ovum aku..
tapi lepas tu aku nak terkencing sangat-sangat..
risau ekceli kot terkuar balik ke hapa kan tapi tak tahin bebeno maka aku redho je aa..

ekceli time aku baring tunggu tu, aku dengor ada orang nages kat luar..
sayuu je dengar..
aku bajet her procedure failed.. meleleh gak air mata aku time tu..
body aku tengah full of raging hormones, memang mudah emosional..
aku sempat doa for her.. may God gave her child of her own..
this is so heart breaking ok..

so settle there, Dr.Lu soh mari esok tu untuk scan again..
ini aa dia life IUI ek.. tak abih-abih ko akan kena jolok so be prepared!
tu blom kira kena amik darah ek.. sebab depa nak tengok penerimaan ubat terhadap hormon badan ko..

esok tu mai for scanning, Dr Lu kata ada follicle aku yg dh ruptured so hope for the best..
and ada seketui lagi ni yang dia jangka akan rupture ari ni so he advice me to BD..
then esok nye tu need to start taking Progesterone pills..
see how many drugs inside my body?
im just hoping aa all this tak buat berat badan aku nek!
stress mak nokss..

but all and all, im lucky i didnt get that OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome)..
sebab i did my own research, orang ado PCOS ni kalo buat IUI or watever aa yang memerlukan hormon shots tu, mudah kena OHSS..
and it can lead to severe illness or death!
sepanjang amik Puregon tu, aku dok asik sakit perot ekceli..risau gak tapi nasib baik tak cirit teruk-teruk..
and no vomiting watsoever.. so i guess its all good aa..
thank you Allah!

hmm i guess that is it laa..
now im on my 2WW (two weeks waiting)
Sabtu ni kena hadap Dr. Lu again.. katanye nak kena amik injeksen ke hapa..
tak pasti..
aaaa cucuk lagii… adoilaaa

so wish me luck you guys!
and sprinkle baby dust to all..
moga semua TTCians out there tak mudah givap and keep on trying sampai berjaya!

:: IUI – my next step Part 2 ::

so today CD6 aku kena mengadap Dr. Lu again to see the outcome of my folikel lepas amik Puregon for 3 days..
as usual, pepagi 7.30 dah kena terpacak depan klinik..
this time i went by masef..
sebab lepas ni nak terus pi opis..

owh i manage to get askar enche asben today.. so im bringing it in also..
today proses amat laju.. did my TVS and i can see 2 folikel on my right and 2 on my left ovary..
tapi sayang 1 ni too big and Dr. Lu kata mebi this one not good so we will monitor the other 3 jer laa at the moment..
and i need to continue my Puregon shot tapi reduced to 100 ui je sehari until Khamis..
arini kena amik darah gak.. wuwuwuw!
hampeh toi nurse tu tak jumpa urat aku.. mula-mula cucuk belah kanan, tak jumpa so dia soh aku rest tepi dulu T__T
then tuko nurse len lak try and thank god jumpa!

soo arini lengkap abih sume gua kena ek..
bawah kena jolok scan, dua-dua lengan kena cucuk and tambah injek kat perot!
haihhh… anything for you, my dabel line..

Jumaat kena pegi hadap doktor lagi..
and YES, another TVS is waiting for me..
yeay my life! *rolling eyes*

:: IUI – my next step ::

yeap.. aku dah redi to move to the next step..
persediaan mental dan persediaan cost..
as for enche asben, i dont have a clue whether he is ready or not but i dont care anymore!
the clock is ticking and im not gonna wait..
kalo nk tunggu enche asben aku rasa smpai aku menopos aa jawab nye tak beranak..

so ive make an appointment for me to start the procedure..
i have to wait for my period to come.. kena wat sendri appointment thru online dengan Dr. Lu..
i need to come to the Infertility Clinic on my CD2 or CD3..
since i know my period always dry up on the CD3, i choose that day laa..
sebab i know, i will have to endure the TVS..
sapa TTC tu tau aa apa benda tu ek..

jenuh gak nak wat appointment thru online sebab website spital tu boleh tahan laa mencibai time aku nak cepat kan..
kesabarann je aku hah… nak melecet jari dok klik tak pegi-pegi!
nasib last-last baru lepas.. phewww! *lap peluh*

aku kena pegi serah diri kt klinik tu awal pkui 7.30pagi..
nasib aa spital just a 15 minutes walk jer dari umah..
on that day, Mama wants to follow..
orang len aku tengok mai dengan laki or by themself..
aku sorang je bawak emak!
hahahah.. rare giler

so for my first visit, Dr Lu scan to see my folikel..
then decide how much dosage i need to take..
he prescribed me with Puregon 200 ui for 3 days including that day..


google pic..tp mine is exactly like this laa

untuk yg TTC tau laa ek, Puregon ni ko kena injek sendri kat perot!
so the nurse teaches me how to do it..
dia kasi macam pen untuk injek Puregon ni..
cuak giler weh nak cocok perot sendri..
nasib laa jarum pendek and very thin and if u do it right, it doesnt hurt..
in fact, i dont feel a thing!
IVF-Injections-2ubat Puregon ni kena simpan dalam peti es..
just like insulin Mama..
dah jadi sama kitaorang anak beranak, hari-hari kena cucuk perot sendri!

hari tu je my total cost NT$21,643 (RM2500)..
ubat je dah telan NT$8000++..
owh that one oso covered cost untuk freeze sperm enche asben..
sebab takut bila the time is now, enche asben takde lak..so boleh pakai hok tu..
they provided me with sterilized cup for enche asben ‘derma’ askar dia nanti..
i need to bring them within 3hours of the process to the clinic..

hmmphh.. satu hal gak tu nak minta enche asben derma..
orang bila tak redi nak jadi ayah, memang macam-macam laa alasan dia..
but do i care?
im not getting any younger here mister..
so hand over your soldier!

::stay healthy::

since aku disahkan PCOS, asik laa baca the solution to this mostly JAGA MAKAN & EKSESAIS!
two things that i hate to do..

ive tried to go to the gym before tapi kekangan masa segala, to juggle between opis and tugas as a wife/chef/dapo opiser..
its hard..

ye orang kata nak seribu daya tak mau seribu dalih..
aku ni memang queen of dalih so bertabah laa kau chesue!

but since pindah rumah baru ni, aku dah start pegi gym balik laa..
building umah aku ado gym bawah tu, nyah!
currlass gitu..
so tanpa buang masa, iols menggunapakai la kemudahan yang ado ek..
dah laa tiap bulan bayo management fee building tu  RM1k+ sebulan!
wajib laa guna facility sepenuhnye..

aku cuba untuk displin pi gym 3x seminggu..
Isnin, Rabu and Jumaat..
aku tak buat apa pun kat gym..
aku reti guna treadmill je..
speedwalk skit, lari skit..
janji tiap session adalah 30minit!

rutin aku kat gym, siap-siap pasang Apps eksesais songs to motivate diri and switch on TV depan mata tu with mute..
just to make me ralit skit untuk eksesais..
otherwise i will keep on looking on the time screen and pikir bila laaa nak abih 30minit nihh!!


aku slalu pegi after opis hour..balik umah Magrib dulu then turun gym..
usually memang im the only one dalam tu!
memula agaka cuak gak sebab sunyi sangat kan..tapi lama-lama dah biasa..

haf and hour lepas tu nek umah balik, mandi manda and Isyak then terus masuk dapo masak lak untuk si kurus kesayangan..
kesian ke dia, bini nak diet dengan dia skali tak makan pulak..

aku tau dia terseksa gak bila bini dah start nak diet and takmo makan malam..
dia jadi tak tau nak makan apa!
iye aa, slalunye bini kuat makan ni yang plan nak masak apa segala but now iols dah takmo makan, aku tanya dia aa apa dia nak..
which is difficult for him..
jenis ‘apa-apa je la’ ni memang jenuh kalo ditanya..
bila dia stress tak tau nak order apa tapi lapo, mula aa moody..

apa-apa pun, even aku tak makan malam sangat skang, aku still make sure to sit in front of him n teman dia makan sambil borak-borak update story memasing.
always try to teman our husband makan ek para isteri..jangan biar diaorang makan sengsorang..

aihh aku dah tak tau nak cite apa dah ni..
stop dulu la..