::emergency Czer::

mengumpul kerajinan untuk berblog kembali..
i love my blog tapi kekangan masa dan idea buat rasa meleweh nak menaip..
i owe u my czer story so here we go!

it was 2 November 2015, masa tu im almost 35 weeks.. lagi sehari dua je kot..
balik dari keja as always, mandi-mandi and solat..
tetengah baca Al-Quran, aku rasa mcm ‘phisshh’ under there so i thot ‘alahaii, terkencing ke?’ sebab aku memang senang terkicit skit2 bila dah makin sarat since the baby dh makin tekan my pundi..  terbatuk skit pun boleh terkencing..

so aku pun mangkit aa nk bukak telekung.. then i realize rasa basah makin banyak lak so lelekaih aa aku gi toilet..
bukak je panties, terus rasa nak pengsan sebab tengok darah pekat penuh kt seluar..
PANIC ATTACK!! oh no.. oh no! God please protect my baby!
tak dan aku nk tarik spender, terkengkang-kengkang ke pintu panggil enche asben yg tengah vakum kt depan..
darah dh nitik-nitik merata.. i dont care anymore!!
aku smpai dah lupa yang enche asben mabuk darah.. but to my amazed, dia tak pengsan lak or mabuk like he used to..
sambil aku nages duduk atas toilet sambil lap darah..
enche asben try to call our friends untuk minta tolong anto ke spital..
nasib baik beg spital dah lama aku siapkan.. pheww!

thanks to Chemad who help us.. smpai dia lak panic lupa jalan ke spital!
sesampai Adventist Hospital, terus naik ke tingkat 5 wad bersalin..
cakap bleeding, terus nurse suh baring dan pasang monitor kt perot nak tengok jantung baby..
memula tu macam tak berbunyi, giler takut akuu! nurse tu penuh keyakinan dok cakap releks takde apa-apa nih..
last-last dengar denyut nadi baby.. and its normal!
adoilaa anakk.. panik mak ko ni wehh rasa nk tercabut jantung, yang dia dalam tu releks jerrr..

doktor bertugas mai attend tapi since ada skit-skit contraction on the monitor, depa alert my doctor, Dr. Ling..
so dia mai with a smile on her face as usual.. so dia cakap rupanye aku ada placenta previa.. which is odd kenapa awal-awal tak trace?
dah aa selama ni dia dok suh aku eksesais laa, banyakkan berjalan laa so that senang nk beranak..
the bleeding tu sebab ada eruption kt pintu rahim ke hapa tah xingat dah..
so now, dia cakap forget about normal laa.. memang kim salam banyak-banyak sebab memang sah-sah kena kerat je jawabnye ni..
img-20151104-wa0021
at the moment dia kata kena monitor aku and kena bed rest.. so no moving watsoever!
kena pasang tiub kencing, which is sooo uncomfortable..
dah aa pasang drip on both hand! satu ubat untuk stop the contraction, satu lagi drip air sebab aku kena pose for a while..
20151103_162301
lengkap hah aku kena tambat kat katil, 2 tiub kat lengan, 1 kat vajayjay! syabasss..
sepanjang kena ‘gari’ macam ni, aku kemain berdoa jangan laa aku rasa nk berak sebab i cant move apatah lagi ke toilet! nurse suruh berak atas katil guna mangkuk tu!! aaaaaa takmooo..
tapi nasib baik gak sebab aku kena pose kan so no taik terhasil… hahahah!

well, 3 hari kena warded, mlm tu aku takleh tido sakit giler pinggang belah kanan..
serba tak kena rasa.. dah aa heart burn pun menyerang but thanks to ubat spital yang lebih power dari Gaviscon, alhamdulillahh lega..
enche asben kesian meneman aku kat wad tido kt sofa tepi katil aku… which i know, keras tak selesa..

kasih seorang bakal dedi

kasih seorang bakal dedi

esok pagi tu, Dr.Ling mai jumpa aku and said, contraction aku malam tadi makin dedekat based on my monitor so she cant wait any longer sebab takut nanti ada eruption and bleeding lebih teruk if tunggu.. so she need to do the emergency czer like NOW! oo sakit pinggang malam tadi tu contraction la ek.. hahah baru mek tauu..

oook, aku macam dah redho dah and a bit blur tak dan nak rasa takut.. tapi dan aa aku dail telipon mama untuk inform and minta doakan segala..
ekceli mama tak tau aku kena warded at the first place sebab aku takmo dia risau..
tapi instinct seorang mak, dia dah lama terasa tak sedap ati sebab aku senyap lama..
heheh ate caner nk bermesej tangan dua-dua pasang drip.. hp memang enche asben pegang all the time..

aku sebenarnye excited to meet my baby.. macam tak caya she is coming at last! 7 years ive been waiting for u.. excitedddd!!
ilang rasa takut nak kena belah perot.. lagipun this is not my first op experience so im cool.. cewahh!

so at 8.30 a.m aku disiapkan untuk masuk OR..
owh.. enche asben awal-awal say sorry dia tak mampu nak teman aku masuk OR..
pucat dah aku tengok muka gabra dia..
aku dari mula peknen dah pasrah if kena beranak sorang-sorang..paham sangat dia takut darah..
its ok.. aku minta maaf siap-siap dengan enche asben and off to the OR.. bye bye!

lama gak persediaan sebab Dr. Ling nk pastikan bekalan darah tambahan jenis aku dah redi sekali dalam bilik OR sebab kebarangkalian aku hilang darah tu agak tinggi sebab aku ada anemia..
soft music berkumandang at the back..
2 doktor on by left and right tummy.. doktor kanak-kanak dah standby also kat belakang untuk sambut my baby..
pakar bius sorang, redi to inject my back..
aku tak pakai epi, just anesthetic kehapa tah nama just to numb half body..
aku sedar tapi lama-lama aku rasa tak tahan giler..
lepas inject bius, badan aku start to shake like crazy.. macam sejuk menggeletar2 tu..
doktor kata its normal ok..
seksa giler aku rasa macam kena henyak-henyak! omg apa depa buat ni??
rasa kena tekan-tekan dada, sesak napas aku.. depa kasi aku oksigen suh napas pepelan..
siap aku terbau macam daging terbako! is that me??
then aku rasa macam nak muntah! dok wek-wek kosong..
last-last aku cakap ke doktor aku tak tahan, please knock me out!
doktor inject ubat so that aku pengsan, legaa…

sedar tak sedar dalam mamai, ada orang sua baby kat tepi muka aku…
is that MINE? so blue purpleish gitu…soo tiny!
aku dan cium mana dan then i passed out totally…
sedar-sedar, dah atas katil wad..

enche asben cakap baby alhamdulillah ok tapi kena duk NICU sebab tak cukup bulan..
dia sempat qamat dan azan masa nurse tunjuk kat dia untuk cek cukup idak jari kaki tangan segala..
enche asben cakap lepas czer tu, depa tolak aku ke Recovery Room dulu untuk beberapa jam.. dia sempat tengok aku kuar dari OR siap katanye mulut aku berbuih-buih!
img-20151106-wa0005scary toi aku tengok balik muka lepas op.. im soo bloated! macam peknen 3 bulan..
hahahaha!
ramai kengkawan mai melawat non-stop.. siap wat party gulai udang galah pulakk dalam bilik aku.. biadap betei!! aku dah aa kena pantangg.. siut toi..

Dr.Ling ada jumpa aku petang tu and told me everything run smoothly.. baby pun ok just kena monitor lebih skit sebab dia premature..
she also told me, aku ada terima 2 pain of blood sebab aku kehilangan darah quite a lot.. orang biasa lost about 1liter, aku dekat 1.5liter ilang.. fuhh!
so nenanti kena went thru blood test la pulak, just to check for HIV ke hapa..
peh, aku ada darah Taiwan dalam badan now so that makes me half Taiwanese la kan?
heheheheh!

lepas je op, nurse cakap i need to cuba bangun and berjalan at least to the toilet baru dia cabut tiub kencing tu..
gigih aku cuba jalan secepat mungkin sebab nk cabut wayar tu.. tak selesa weh!
and aku nak cecepat berjalan so that i can visit my baby kat NICU..
thanks to bengkung they asked me to buy, mudah skit aku nak move around..
once dah bukak wayar kencing tu, aku dah boleh pi toilet sendiri.. mula-mula enche asben aa kena papah tapi lama-lama aku boleh dah turun naik katil sendiri..
bila gini, nampak la how he truly loves me..
sepanjang duk wad tu, he help me changed my bloody pad.. skit pun dia tak takut tengok darah tu..

aku duk wad seminggu je.. tiap hari nurse mai tekan bawah tempat czer just to make sure takde blood clot.. a bit nyilu i would say tapi nak buat apa kann, tahan je laa..
sepanjang duk wad, makanan memang vegetarian kat spital ni even spital cina and sedap laa pada aku..and if nasi, sure beras perang.. healthy sangat menu-menu dia..
paling aku suka susu soya dia and lauk tauhu.. ada gak sup kurma merah which is super yummy..

introducing NUR ARISSA QAISARA

introducing NUR ARISSA QAISARA

Nur Arissa Qaisara binti Mohd Azhar born on 5 November 2015, 2kg at 10.36 a.m.
pity my baby kena puasa and depended on drip only sebab her tummy still too small..
dah lama-lama skit baru dia boleh minum susu aku itu pun 2ml je at a time..
then a few days lepas tu ada kuning skit.. dah kena duk bawah lampu lak..
lepas tu kena tebuk dada la pulakk sebab ada bubble dalam paru-paru dia..
T__T  i is soo sad! tak daya aku nak tengok dia dalam box tu..
seperti nama dia, Arissa means kekuatan.. she is a fighter!
1446984242144
tepat 21 hari, she gain her weight 2.2kg entitled her to go back home!
hurrayy..

welcome home baby

welcome home baby

its been 10 months already tapi parut czer still ada kala nyilu-nyilu gak..
lelebih lagi bila dukung si manja gedek-gedek, my lil pokemon tu..
dukung side way ok lg.. kalo pakai carrier tu, haaa its a NO-NO so now dedi je yg akan pakai carrier whenever needed..

pheww… lega story beranak dah settle..
ok now boleh sambung kehidupan len ek..

hahahah..
kbai!

:: lil bun 32 weeks ::

ok dah lama tak update tentang lil bun so here we go..

tadi ada check up bulanan and as usual laa rutin cek urine n blood pressure sume.. thank god Dr.Ling kata minggu ni takyah cek gula aku! hehehhe.. tapi kena sound gak laa sebab berat nek more than 1kg khenn..

bongok aa scale umah aku tunjuk 58.5kg gitu je..bila timbang kt spital jadi 60kg!! jadah sangat aihhh.. tu pun nurse sukarelawan yg dok amik data aku tu silap tulih dlm buku aku..dia tulih berat aku 80kg kauu!! tau aa skang aku dh rupa kenderaan muatan berat, agak-agak laa macik oii..

so today i got to see lil bun.. she’s growing so well now and weight at 1886 gram.. dah dekat 2kg! lil bun height just nice..amniotic fluid sedang elok..hok ni doktor kena cek since aku ada GDM so usually sapa ada kencing manis ni air ketuban akan jadi banyak which is not good katanye.. kedudukan placenta aku pun dah ke atas so lega di situ..

aku tanya gak since aku GDM so nanti aku kena induce ke? YES kata Dr.Ling.. erkk!
dia kata kalo boleh dia nak aku beranak at 38 or 39 weeks gitu.. so now i only got hmm.. 6-7 weeks?! hamaigadd cuak nye rasaa..
Dr.Ling sangat-sangat nak aku normal delivery.. dia siap cakap spital ni peratusan orang branak czer dia sangat rendah.. depa kalo boleh nak normal jugak-jugak..fuhh! *lap peluh kat dahi sat*

i oso hope that i can do it normal way..xmo laa bebelah, lambat nak baik nanti.. dah aa perot skang pun dh sedia tak comei with dark marks sana sini! and i have history of scars turn to keloid! plizz aaa takmooo tambah dahh parut yg ada..

hmm apa lagi ek update.. owhh kekerapan gi toilet adalah tinggi skang ek.. its like ko bru je wiwi 5minit tadi and now ko rasa nk kencing lagi!
not to forget heartburn yang perittt.. kadang-kadang rasa panas dia tu smpai ke telinga bagai..
last time aku dok togok susu sejuk je sebab google kata milk can reduce heartburn a bit.. tapi lama-lama tak tahan aku.. gi cari Gaviscon jugak!

owhh arini aku kena vaksin shot for tetanus.. this is for the baby also kata doktot.. the baby will get it thru mommy so dengan heavy heart aku relakan je laa..
ive done my own research and most of them said SAKIT! cibai aii nyesai mak cari info okkk…

terus aku tak keruan tadi.. dah aa nurse aku assemble jarum and ubat tu depan aku! mata siap berair sebab cuak terus nurse aku tanya kenapa? aku cakap laa aku tau shot ni sakit and aku takut!
nurse aku siap cakap if aku dah tau so she wont lie laa.. but she said dia akan buat sepelan yang boleh la..
and she DID! i didnt feel a thing!! jarum cucuk pun tak rasa langsungg.. maigod! berterima kasih banyak aku kat dia..hehehe!!

shot ni memang akan buat lengan ko sengal or rasa lenguh a bit la.. but stil can manage la.. reli aa nyesei baca kat intenet.. buat aku cuak lebih jerr! siap orang cakap sakit teruk laa.. boleh demam-demam bagai laa.. hohh!! esejeret lelebih korang ni tauuu..
kekecut ovary mak tau noksss!!

so there u go.. my next appointment will be every 2 weeks now.. makin dekat makin kena monitor rapat-rapat..

before i end this.. meh tengok anak memi menjuih bibiq anjelina jolie dia ek..

image

kbai bebeh!

:: hormonal rampage ::

semalam mama dah balik Mesia and enche asben temankan.. memacam mama bekalkan before she left..
stok kan inti sandwich sadin for bekpes nak gi keja laa…
buatkan rendang daging laa..
and enche asben oso doing the same..
before he left, he did all the house chores dulu..
basuh baju, keringkan and sidaikan.. vakum umah and mop so that i wont sneeze with the dust and all..
he also stocked up my coklat milk in the fridge.. beli buah2 (paksa makan) and all the necessary things laa..

i think i will be find coz this is NOT the first time ive been left alone..
dah banyak kali kena tinggai aiihh..
and mula-mula suggested to enche asben tolong hantarkan mama balik Mesia is ME!
for me, aku ingat boleh aa aku rest sepanjang enche asben takde..
takyah aku nak masak watsoever kannn..
konon releks aa bila duk sorang-sorang..

fuuhh! i was dead WRONG!
time salam enche asben depan pintu pun dah berat dada..
lif tutup jerr, air mata bergenang-genang..
aku lari masuk bilik tengok kot tingkap lak..
saw them walking with the bags towards the road down there..
perghhh.. terus berjujurann airmataaaaa!

it was total disaster i tell ya…
bukan nages skit-skit..
jenis sedu-sedu bagaiiii… oh god!
what is happening to me? i really cannot control masef…
giler rasa sayu sedih belaka-belaka laaaaa…

bila dah bertenang skit.. enche asben lak wassap dari dalam teksi..
saying dah smpai epot bla bla bla..
then pesan jaga diri and jaga baby.. waaaaaa! nages lagiii!
oh goddd, sejak bila aku jadi hati tisu ni???

malam lepas dinner on the bed, watching tv.. thinking of playing games on the laptop just to occupy my time and tunggu ngantuk..
tapi takde mood la pulak…
tunggu enche asben wassap nak tau dah smpai Mesia blom..
lepas dia dah mesej kata dah smpai semua, baru lega nak tido..
i dont want to talk long with him, takut melalak lagi kang!
so i ended it up saying i want to go to sleep..

tutup lampu, placing all the pillows around me.. shut my eyes while snuggling on HIS pillow facing HIS side..
anddd the drama continues…. huwarrgghh!!
nages smpai sumbat-sumbat idung hakuuu!
hadoi laa…

i think this is NOT me at all.. aku rasa lil bun yang sedih ni..
semalam memang kurang sangat dia bersilat..
usually, memalam nak tido she will move actively lelebih lagi bila enche asben is beside me..
enche asben rajin letak tangan dia kat perot aku, usap-usap dia.. galak dia bergerak!
risau lak aku sebab aku tak rasa dia menendang sana sini malam tadi..
aku just talk to her, saying we will be ok and dedi will be home soon..
then i force masef to sleep after i felt a tap from lil bun..

mangkit pagi siap-siap nak gi keja..
the house felt soo big and empty..
sunyi lakk rasa..
haihh… ini baru DAY ONE!
demmittt..

at the office, lil bun dah aktif balik.. alhamdulillahh..
dont scare mami like this dear…
we will be ok…
i guess…

:: alhamdulillahh.. im a mommy-to-be ::

dah lama aku nak up entry ni.. tapi takde idea nak karang ayat lagi.. and i think its a bit early to reveal it to the world.. plus im not ready to tell the world n be excited because i have experienced miscarriage last year.. so takut nak excited lelebih.. anything can happen.. after all, its just ‘pinjaman’ dari tuhan..

YES! my first IUI procedure has succeeded… thank you Allah for this blessing.. im quite shocked actually bila doktor cakap BFP after 2WW tu.. but my face has no expression at all at that time! hahahaa… walhal i have the right to jump until the roof and be extra excited..

hey, ive waited for this for nearly 8 years!! in fact that time im not even crying like the previous pregnancy.. kalo org len tengok sure ingt aku tak happy for being pregnant! i dont know la, mebi aku takut kot to be excited or happy bila dapat that good news.. dalam otak aku dah tekad, no happy-happy, no telling the world just yet! not until u pass that first trimester! its a scary journey actually after im confirmed pregnant 4 weeks.. dah laa doktor cakap 4 weeks is like a piece of basmati je size dia.. tiap kali pegi toilet i will definitely check my panties to look for any blood or anything just in case.. tiap kali bukak panties i will pray, please dont let it be any blood there! please please!

so here i would like to share my IUI journey.. sinopsis aa kira.. citer IUI aku sume dh aku citer in my previous entry kan…

13 Mac – First period..call for an appointment on CD3
15 Mac – TVS to see my folikel then prescribed injeksen Puregon 200ui on the tummy for 3 days + acid folic + asprin
18 Mac – TVS as usual dan hantar askar enche asben to be frozen. Blood test to see how the hormone drug react in me. Doc suruh turunkan dos Puregon to 100ui for 2 days sb folikel nampak laju nak matang
20 Mac – TVS again n folikel nearly matured. Kena amik Puregon 100ui shot on the shoulder lak
21 Mac – TVS and prescribed Ovidrel shot tepat kui 10pm untuk ruptured kan folikel yg matang
23 Mac – IUI today. Bawa sekali askar enche asben fresh from the oven. Start my 2WW
24 Mac – TVS to see folikel again. Doc said ada folikel yg nk matang lg tu so dia nasihat to BD tonight.
25 Mac – Start taking Progestrone pills 3 biji sehari for 2 weeks
28 Mac – Kena amik Ovidrel shot again on the shoulder lak..
6 April –  14dpiui…urine test and its BFP!

all in all.. my procedure only took around 10 days not counting the 2 weeks of waiting.. sangat detail diaorang buat.. tapi tu aa detail dia comes with the price laa.. for this procedure ive spend NT$40,000 (RM4k+) ini belom kira all the previous-previous effort to baikpulih my system dalaman sebab im a PCOS with insulin resistance problem..

berbulan-bulan aku struggle to maintain my sugar intake, go to the gym and control my diet.. berbulan-bulan kena telan Metformin that makes me nausea most of the time.. but its all worth it! and im thankful to my friend here in Taipei yang kongsi kejayaan ICSI dia with twin girls! from her i get my strength to step forward and did my IUI..

tapi tu aa.. if korang nak proceed with any procedure of your choosing, make sure that u are 100% pasti yang korang bersedia untuk menempuh perjalanan dia.. also part cost dia pun kena ready laa… like mine, i did it most of the time alone… enche asben just only provide askar dia in a jar n im the one who bring it to the clinic.. enche asben only went to the clinic once! Itu pun sebab that clinic need him to sign a consent letter saying yes to freeze his sperm in front of them..
they need to see the husband wujud idak! no one hold my hands along the process and im not sad about it sebab aku yang nak benda ni.. so i need to be strong! im lucky sebab masa procedure ni berjalan, my mom was in Taiwan.. she’s the one who teman me on my first day at the clinic.. how odd is that? orang len laki teman, aku bawak omma! hahahaha..

each time aku cucuk perot pun, i did it by masef… endure all the side effects by masef… not once aku rasa menyesal or sedih sebab laki tak amik tau ’bout my procedure.. syukur banyak dah dia nak provide askar-askar dia.. thats all i ever need.. so im not gonna complain about it.. pada aku, enche asben feels that he is not ready to be a dad.. but its ok because I DONT CARE if he is ready or not! hahaha.. ini paksaan ekkk..

tapi once im confirmed pregnant, he changed a lot! on my second check-up at 6 weeks peknen, aku heret dia suh ikut tengok.. dia tengok on the screen time doktor scan and he could see our lil bun for the first time.. and doktor kasi dengar lil bun’s heartbeat! aku rasa deep down inside, that has trigger his daddy mode.. hahahah!

from that day forward, he’s becoming soo caring and more romantic than ever! and enche asben bertabah makan watever we have in the house coz im having my morning sickness all day long!! yeapp! tuhan kasi aku merasa all the ‘wonderful’ things of becoming a mommy.. teruk gak muntah belahak aku sampai merah-merah muka perah tekak.. sampai kurus laa iols turun 3kg! sedawa angin dah macam badak.. tiap masa sedawa wehhh.. dah rasa macam belon helium tu hah! nasib tak float everywhere je aku ni..

not to mention about the toilet trip every 5-10 minutes.. rasa macam tak mo pakai spender je kadang-kadang tu.. and now, im 15 weeks preggy… lil bun is doing fine… next month check-up boleh tau gender.. hope lil bun will show laa… mommy cant wait to choose color dah ni!

lil bun at 13 weeks

lil bun at 13 weeks

i love you from the first time i see you, baby… cant wait to hold you in my arms… my EDD will be in December, so lil bun is winter baby laa… please pray for us to have a smooth journey till we be united in each others arms.. and i will always pray for you guys to have this opportunity too, insyaallah.. baby dust to all TTCians! just dont give up! lots of prayers and jangan lupa minta doa dari ibu masing-masing.. keberkatan doa ibu sangat perlu for this.. until then, bubyee!