:: baby S ::

Dear Baby S,

this one is for u..
lama mama Sue nk tulis entry ni tapi ada jer benda yang melengahkan..

here goes..

from the first time i knew u existed, i already felt in love with u..
me and memi Jana tried our best to save you..
yes we understand your mommy stuck in a hard time, deciding for your existent..
you have no idea how hard ive prayed to Him, to soften your mommy’s heart..
to accept you..
segala solat sunat yang mama Sue tau, mama Sue buat just for you..

Amin, He has accepted mama Sue’s prayer…
you now, happily berpusing-pusing in mommy’s belly for 36 weeks..
waiting to see the world!
cant wait to see you to, baby..

until now, mama Sue sentiasa doa for your well-being inside your mommy’s tummy..
lepas solat, tak penah lupa mama Sue buat semua nih..
doa for your mommy also, to be brave and strong for you..
but i guess, its the way around… you my dear, that gave your mommy strength to face the world..

its ok if your daddy’s like that..
its ok if life treat you bad..
remember that you are HALAL and not a single thing can make you less than that..!
remember that you already have, not one mama, but THREE that loved you no matter what..
mommy too loves you much, she willingly to endure all the pain and heartache your daddy did to her..
be nice to her and dont gave her so much trouble, yes Baby S?

mama Sue so proud of you, after all this while, not once you give mommy trouble..
ok you did being very choosy in food, but we already knew la, you are not Nescafe-type or curry-type like mommy 🙂
habis sume tu awak reject..
or maybe there’s a couple of time when you made mommy oouchh a few times, but its ok..
behave well in there and hang on tight!
mommy can handle that too..

its so wonderful to finally see you, err i mean to ‘feel’ you..
mama Sue gets to feel you kicking here and there!
i guess that mommy’s uterus has lesser and lesser space for you to move huh?

just a few weeks to go..
please try not to be stubborn and help mommy when she’s pushing you out, ok..
she cant afford to be sliced.. kesian mommy nanti..
mama Sue can only pray from afar for you and mommy to be safe..

insyaallah mama Sue will be back after you’ve arrived next year..
hope to see you soon Baby S!
cant wait to see you in outfit mama Sue bought for you..

love,
Mama Sue

:: FB quarrel ::

kebelakangan ni aku amat bizi..
ekceli saja bizikan diri gak supaya tak rasa im not doing anything and makan gaji buta..
and im more at FB chat or wassap..

so bila kat FB, tau je aa..
stalk whoever yang suka publickan hal diri laa..
hehehe..

and ive noticed now, people suka toi perli one another kt FB..
ok itu aku tak heran sebab aku pun buat kengkadang..
hehehe..admit, guilty as charged!
tapi when it comes to your wife or husband yang ko perlikan tu..
thats deep!

didnt they know people know?
contoh aku aa..
of course aku tau ko perli bini kau, or laki kau..
sebab dua-dua aku kenal..
and aku tau pebenda yang memasing buat yang mendorong sesi perli..
dan if aku tau, of course yang len pun boleh teka gak kan?
bukan aku sorang je kawan depa dalam FB tu..

so nampak tak kat sini?

korang bubuh laa segala islamiah quote berkenaan ciri-ciri bini solehah or ciri-ciri laki beriman segala..
dengan status sharing is caring segala sekalipun..
deep down orang tau  ko nak hint ke ‘orang sebelah sana’ and people will talk, you know?
as if u are comparing your other half and show it to the public!

how could u show this to the world?
suami or isteri yang u used to love and cherish..
yang telah diikat perjanjian dengan Allah thru ijab dan kabul?
berkongsi bantal selimut together..
have children together..?

for the suami yang buat ni, ko bukan saja buka aib rumahtangga sendri tapi juga menunjukkan pada semua, kelemahan diri dalam mendidik isteri sendri..
and for the isteri, dari orang tak tau kekurangan suami awak, you have shown it to the world for people to judge him..

bukan dengan FB untuk mendidik isteri or suami..
sebab the other side didnt see what u want them to see..
for them, ko tengah memerli dia dan memalukan dia.. not menasihati..
sebab u did it publicly..
dan bila dah rasa diri telah di humiliated, for sure aa serang balas!
so now, dari orang tak tau kisah korang, EVERYONE knows..

memang banyak ilmu yang boleh diperolehi dari FB tu..
banyakkk sangat islamiah quote yang boleh di share kat situ..
tapi pada aku, its better to do it between you two..
tag je dia and private kan so that noone will see it..
of inbox jer terus..
lagi mudah, duduk satu meja and berbincang heart to heart..
Allah gives you mouth for a reason..
so use it!

::cant stay mad at u bebeh::

semalam first day of work adalah kemain berat nak mengheret bontot pi keja..
badan rasa tak best..
lelebih lagi malam before that aku pi kenduri pre-wedding drebar opis kitaorg, si Rafik, aku dah kena ujan..
owh citer tu nanti ek aku up..
now aku nak membebel benda tah hapa2 dulu..
izinkan aku..

so balik je dari opis, otak aku ekceli dah setting, TAKMO MASAK, TAKMO MAKAN..
dah aa ada kes-kes kesentapan enche asben buat kat aku this past few days yang dah rupa mangkuk tingkat dalam ati aku.. dah aa aku tengah hormon tak stedi nih..
yeahh, u are in big trouble mista!

tapi aku ni aa satu nyer.. bila aku marah ke hapa, aku suka diam.. and if aku bercakap pun, face-less aa muka tu.. and if i smile pun, poker face aa..

“I smile and act like nothing is wrong sometimes, it’s called dealing with shit and staying strong”

tapi semalam once melangkah je masuk umah, tak sampai ati nak stay mad and let him starving..
ni sume aku rasa sebab amalam Dato Dr Fadilah Kamsah aa yang aku dok buat hari-hari aa nih..
reli aku masuk je umah, aku takley nak marah lama-lama..

aku tiap kali kuar umah, aku mulakan langkah kanan and terus baca Qursi.. ni aku dah amal since bertahun dah..
once ko kuar umah and baca Qursi, insyaallah tuhan lindungi ko sampai ko melangkah balik ke dalam umah..
and takat ni alhamdulillah, bukan diri ko je terlindung.. aku rasa umah ko pun terlindung sama..
penah aa aku tetinggai kunci umah bebetui tergantung kat pintu umah weh! tapi aku percaya berkat amalan ni, alhamdulillah takde sapa nampak kunci tu kat situ walhal jelas je dia terpacak kat lubang kunci tu.. kalo idak pree-pree je pencuri tibai barang umah aku!

then bila masuk umah balik.. aku ikut nasihat Dato’ Dr Fadilah Kamsah yang aku dengar dari radio..
before this, aku juz masuk langkah kaki kanan with salam..
tapi Dr Fadilah Kamsah kata, its better ko baca bismillah 3x depan pintu and langkah kaki kanan masa masuk umah untuk elak setan ataih pintu tu ikut masuk sekali ke dalam umah..

katanyer, untuk elakkan laki bini bergaduh selalu or anak-anak degil kat umah tak mo dengar kata..
elok aa amalkan benda ni..
and alhamdulillah aa, aku rasa becoz of this, tiap kali aku angin ke enche asben, tak lama pun sure dia ilang sendiri!
macam api nyala-nyala dalam ati, tup-tup padam kena simbah ayo bomba…
neno-neno-neno~!

even its not 100% accurate sometimes, well.. still suatu kebaikan bila melangkah masuk umah with ayat Quran rite?
yea adakala takley nak escape gak dalam kehidupan seharian kalo tak gaduh ke hapa..

~sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit.. ini kan pulak suami isteri..

(wahh tetiba gua feeling ala p.ramlee & saloma!)

ada gak terguris mana-mana ati..
ada jugak ternages di sana sini..

but we are still good..
and that’s what counts!

::how long would u grief for me? ::

aku dah lama nak merempan dalam blog ni on this particular case..

idea came up when i started to stalk (yes, i am a bit che kiah perangai bizibodi..hehehe) on FB of my fren’s husband..
owh lets call him A..
and that fren of mine oredi passed away in July last year due to breast cancer ek..
and she’s the same age as me.. yap still young 😦
lets call her Z..
so ni kira stalking duda dia nyer FB laa..
because i knew A oso, waaaaay back when i used to date his fren..
ohh panjang berselirat-selirat pulak sejarah lama..hehhehe!
we used to be closed aa, me n A sebab macam abang2 skit and banyak nasihat aku bila aku gaduh ngan kawan dia (my ex) tu..
nothing to do i guess.. lagipun i juz wanna see how A’s doing with the grieving n all on Z la kan..
sebab depa berdua ni bercinta since kawan aku ni umo 16..
aku lak tu yang kenaikan depa ni..
masa tu aku wat open house kat umah mak aku kat ipoh.. besdei aku ke hari raya ke, tah tak ingat..
ive invited my (ex) and his frens (A oso) to come over..
and Z was having a sleep over at my place at that time..
dari situ aa berkenalan and end up bercinta.. kawen..have a son..
hmm.. 12 years of relationship tu..
ive blogged bout Z’s passing away ni..
im not that close with Z anymore since UiTM because of some issues..
but deep down i still care and getting updates bout Z from our BFF..
and last few days, my ex juz confirmed that the info that ive got from A’s FB is true..
yap! he is getting married AGAIN..
after putting his wife, MY FREN, in the ground for only 6 months period!
ive tried to be calm bout it..
but fuck all that!
yes im so disturbed by this news..
its not that i dont approve of A meneruskan kehidupan dia as a man..
but the fact that its TOO EARLY!
doesnt it?
ke aku yg over-dramatic?
for a 12-year of percintaan..
for a son she’s given him..
for the suffering she had endured..the labor pain, the cancer she has fought and eventually lost to it…
only 6 months of grieving?!
wat d fudge la weh…!
dan aku dapat tau lak A is getting married on Z’s besdai pulak tu!
omg..
apakah ini?
alasan katanyer pikir ke anak..
anak?
bukan budak tu nak kena kasi susu or tukar lampin dah pun..
dah 7-8thn rasa nyer umo budak tu..
and aku dapat tau, calon tu adalah kawan baik Z pulak tu!
erk?!
terus aku terpikir.. if gini, that means after all this years, minah tu ada ati la ke A jugak..?
time A still asben Z?
sebab laju toi bley terima duda kawan sendri..
within 6 months kawan baik ko masuk liang lahad, ko dah laju meloncat on HER bed with HER asben!
reli i cant process this input laa..
sebab bukan sekejap ko berkongsi kasih bersama..
bukan sebulan dua..
more than 10 years tuu..
put some effort to it la and have some self-control skit..
hormat skit, tanah kubur dia pun tak abih mendap lagi..
tah-tah Z tak dan jadi tanah lagi, ko dah dapat calon lain..
haih..
tipikal man..
thinking about what THEY want and THEIR own needs saja..
tapi pakai alasan cliche ‘sebab pikirkan anak’
yes i know, eventually dia akan kawen lain kemudian hari..
tapi reli aa..its too soon pada aku..
even my other fren pun rasa too soon!
we as frens are still sad bout her going like that tapi asben dia dah laju nak pakai inai balik..
if la aku mati esok2 ni and gelojoh laki aku nak kawen len tak dan2, aku sanggup jadi antu, gua cekik dua2 ekor tu..

“hoi! tunggu aa aku mati lama skit kalo iyer pun!! ulat tanah pun tak abih makan aku lagi nih”

at least please be sad for me for a bit longer la..
kenang and hargai apa yang dah aku berikan selama ni..
all the sacrifices ive made..
tak sayang kat aku ke pun sampai kemain laju nak mencipta kenangan baru ngan orang len?
aku tak halang if laki aku (contoh je la) nak kawen lain if, god knows when, i died esok..
aku paham, lelaki ada their own needs and all..
dari buat dosa, baik kawen kan..
tapi bersabar skit takley ke..
hmm…
tapi kan aku dah pikir.. if satu hari nanti aku ada anak and aku mati, aku nak mak aku yang jaga anak aku..
biar laa laki aku buat lain ngan bini baru..
at least i want a part of me ganti tempat aku in my mother’s arm..
🙂
err itu pun after dia berkabung lama for me laaa…
if not, siap! gua jadi antu, gua kaco dia tiap malam!
hahahhahahah!
eh? dah lari topik nampaknyer ni..
heheheh..sila aa stop chesue!