:: alhamdulillahh.. im a mommy-to-be ::

dah lama aku nak up entry ni.. tapi takde idea nak karang ayat lagi.. and i think its a bit early to reveal it to the world.. plus im not ready to tell the world n be excited because i have experienced miscarriage last year.. so takut nak excited lelebih.. anything can happen.. after all, its just ‘pinjaman’ dari tuhan..

YES! my first IUI procedure has succeeded… thank you Allah for this blessing.. im quite shocked actually bila doktor cakap BFP after 2WW tu.. but my face has no expression at all at that time! hahahaa… walhal i have the right to jump until the roof and be extra excited..

hey, ive waited for this for nearly 8 years!! in fact that time im not even crying like the previous pregnancy.. kalo org len tengok sure ingt aku tak happy for being pregnant! i dont know la, mebi aku takut kot to be excited or happy bila dapat that good news.. dalam otak aku dah tekad, no happy-happy, no telling the world just yet! not until u pass that first trimester! its a scary journey actually after im confirmed pregnant 4 weeks.. dah laa doktor cakap 4 weeks is like a piece of basmati je size dia.. tiap kali pegi toilet i will definitely check my panties to look for any blood or anything just in case.. tiap kali bukak panties i will pray, please dont let it be any blood there! please please!

so here i would like to share my IUI journey.. sinopsis aa kira.. citer IUI aku sume dh aku citer in my previous entry kan…

13 Mac – First period..call for an appointment on CD3
15 Mac – TVS to see my folikel then prescribed injeksen Puregon 200ui on the tummy for 3 days + acid folic + asprin
18 Mac – TVS as usual dan hantar askar enche asben to be frozen. Blood test to see how the hormone drug react in me. Doc suruh turunkan dos Puregon to 100ui for 2 days sb folikel nampak laju nak matang
20 Mac – TVS again n folikel nearly matured. Kena amik Puregon 100ui shot on the shoulder lak
21 Mac – TVS and prescribed Ovidrel shot tepat kui 10pm untuk ruptured kan folikel yg matang
23 Mac – IUI today. Bawa sekali askar enche asben fresh from the oven. Start my 2WW
24 Mac – TVS to see folikel again. Doc said ada folikel yg nk matang lg tu so dia nasihat to BD tonight.
25 Mac – Start taking Progestrone pills 3 biji sehari for 2 weeks
28 Mac – Kena amik Ovidrel shot again on the shoulder lak..
6 April –  14dpiui…urine test and its BFP!

all in all.. my procedure only took around 10 days not counting the 2 weeks of waiting.. sangat detail diaorang buat.. tapi tu aa detail dia comes with the price laa.. for this procedure ive spend NT$40,000 (RM4k+) ini belom kira all the previous-previous effort to baikpulih my system dalaman sebab im a PCOS with insulin resistance problem..

berbulan-bulan aku struggle to maintain my sugar intake, go to the gym and control my diet.. berbulan-bulan kena telan Metformin that makes me nausea most of the time.. but its all worth it! and im thankful to my friend here in Taipei yang kongsi kejayaan ICSI dia with twin girls! from her i get my strength to step forward and did my IUI..

tapi tu aa.. if korang nak proceed with any procedure of your choosing, make sure that u are 100% pasti yang korang bersedia untuk menempuh perjalanan dia.. also part cost dia pun kena ready laa… like mine, i did it most of the time alone… enche asben just only provide askar dia in a jar n im the one who bring it to the clinic.. enche asben only went to the clinic once! Itu pun sebab that clinic need him to sign a consent letter saying yes to freeze his sperm in front of them..
they need to see the husband wujud idak! no one hold my hands along the process and im not sad about it sebab aku yang nak benda ni.. so i need to be strong! im lucky sebab masa procedure ni berjalan, my mom was in Taiwan.. she’s the one who teman me on my first day at the clinic.. how odd is that? orang len laki teman, aku bawak omma! hahahaha..

each time aku cucuk perot pun, i did it by masef… endure all the side effects by masef… not once aku rasa menyesal or sedih sebab laki tak amik tau ’bout my procedure.. syukur banyak dah dia nak provide askar-askar dia.. thats all i ever need.. so im not gonna complain about it.. pada aku, enche asben feels that he is not ready to be a dad.. but its ok because I DONT CARE if he is ready or not! hahaha.. ini paksaan ekkk..

tapi once im confirmed pregnant, he changed a lot! on my second check-up at 6 weeks peknen, aku heret dia suh ikut tengok.. dia tengok on the screen time doktor scan and he could see our lil bun for the first time.. and doktor kasi dengar lil bun’s heartbeat! aku rasa deep down inside, that has trigger his daddy mode.. hahahah!

from that day forward, he’s becoming soo caring and more romantic than ever! and enche asben bertabah makan watever we have in the house coz im having my morning sickness all day long!! yeapp! tuhan kasi aku merasa all the ‘wonderful’ things of becoming a mommy.. teruk gak muntah belahak aku sampai merah-merah muka perah tekak.. sampai kurus laa iols turun 3kg! sedawa angin dah macam badak.. tiap masa sedawa wehhh.. dah rasa macam belon helium tu hah! nasib tak float everywhere je aku ni..

not to mention about the toilet trip every 5-10 minutes.. rasa macam tak mo pakai spender je kadang-kadang tu.. and now, im 15 weeks preggy… lil bun is doing fine… next month check-up boleh tau gender.. hope lil bun will show laa… mommy cant wait to choose color dah ni!

lil bun at 13 weeks

lil bun at 13 weeks

i love you from the first time i see you, baby… cant wait to hold you in my arms… my EDD will be in December, so lil bun is winter baby laa… please pray for us to have a smooth journey till we be united in each others arms.. and i will always pray for you guys to have this opportunity too, insyaallah.. baby dust to all TTCians! just dont give up! lots of prayers and jangan lupa minta doa dari ibu masing-masing.. keberkatan doa ibu sangat perlu for this.. until then, bubyee!

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::option::

just came back from Adventist Hospital..
as usual, every 2-3 months i will go to see my doctor, Dr.Lu for consultation and reload ubat metformin or clomid..

tadi as usual juga, tiap kali mai Dr.Lu akan tengok my BBT chart..
aku ni bengap, smpai kesudah tak pandai-pandai baca chart tu..
tak pandai nak agak bila time subur aku..
yang aku tau, bila suhu drop di hujung-hujung cycle ko tu means nk period la tu..
get ready!

tapi tadi dia terangkan AGAIN la..ate patient bebal beno kan..
and aku rasa aku paham skit la kot..
hehehe! *bebal alert on!*
wait and see je laa..

so tadi reload metformin for 2 months..
and last round of clomid..
im on the highest dose now..
3 biji sehari for 5 days..
if tak jalan jugak means badan aku dah rejek laa clomid ni..dia dah imun and tak lut gitu..

tadi doktor ada aa tanya nak buat IUI tak..
first yang aku tanya opkos aa ‘how much?’..
dia kata around NT30k-NT50k..
haishh.. 3-5 ribu tu noks!
and bukan 100% akan jadi ek on 1 try..

ekceli aku nak je buat terus..
umo dah 36 tahun ni weh! takde masa aih aku nak tunggu dah..
hal duit, aku ada je dalam akaun tapi nun kat mesia la pulok..
akaun sini adalah terhad isi dia sebab kitaorang rajin keluarkan and bawa balik and isi bank mesia..
and duit dlm akaun tewan adalah dikongsi bersama enche asben..
need to discuss first with him la..

aku tnya la prosedur dia caner..
dia kata dia akan cucuk aku with bla bla bla and monitor my egg until it rupture (matured)..
dia akan ultrasound to see my egg every 2-3 days gitu..
then hal sperm lak dia boleh frozen dulu and use bila egg aku dh ready..

ooo..aku ingat on the day it self baru laki kena kasi sperm..
doktor kata boleh frozen awal takut time egg aku redi, laki aku tak available ke hapa..tapi dia kata if laki ada kat Taiwan time tu, dia prefer yang fresh la..

ok got it!

haishh..tah laa weh..
deep down inside aku nak cepat..
my biologikal clock is ticking!
tapi ada kala rasa not ready to go thru that..
aku terasa je yang enche asben stil hoping it will come naturally..

tah la weh..
patut ke aku buat prosedur ni?
benda-benda ni payah aku nak bincang dengan enche asben..
he never talk about having children ke hapa..
adakala aku tak tau dia ni nak anak or not..
and i dont dare to ask..
sebab aku takut nak dengar kalo jawapan dia tu, aku tak sedia nak dengar..

wish me luck guys!
i reli need it..
and baby dust to me and u too..
kbai..

::just not my time yet::

for those who knows, yeapp..
aku baru je miscarriage at 5 weeks..
it was sooo devastated..
even aku try to be kuat and redho it wasnt my time yet, deep down aku masih seorang wanita..

something that you have been waiting for 7 years..
that dabel line you’ve been longing for..
and suddenly dia muncul unexpectedly..
tapi ilang sekelip mata..
hati sapa yang tak sedih..
ada kala aku rasa macam salah aku dia tak stay..

even the doctor told me, embrio yang abnormal adakala akan turun sendri..
so stop blaming yoursef..
tapi aku still rasa mebi sebab aku berlasak sangat kot?
or mebi aku tak jaga makan kot?
the question kept popping up whenever im alone..
haihhh…

now i just need to heal..
physically and emotionally..
wish me luck..

::PCOS & HSG test::

haah kena wat benda alah ni lagi sekali! wuwuwuwu! benci nyerrr… last time i did it, it was 2 years ago in Malaysia dekat KPJ Kajang to be exact.. and ive got MALE doctor and MELAYU some more! naissss…. rasa nak pakai topeng time buat tu!

sepanjang prosedur, iols tak pandang bawah langsung.. i even dont care apa dia cakap ke hapa.. eh? did he talked to me? see.. kemain tak pedulik sebab segan sangat sampai lupa segala.. all that i could remember was, the pain!  more like senggugut cramp.. oh god sangat tidak selesa.. Continue reading